The Joys of Sarcasm + Originality & School Dynamics

The Joys of Sarcasm

There seems to be a lot of confused people around in the world. People which point out obvious things. If I had 7 dead lizards for every time somebody has walked up to me and said in a rather dim-witted tone “You wear glasses.” or “I saw you yesterday.” I’d probably be knee-deep in reptile carcasses. It’s like these cretins assume you have no knowledge of anything you have ever done. “You wear glasses.” “Really? Oh I never noticed when I dressed myself this morning, thanks for telling me so I don’t accidentally stop myself from scratching the corner of my eye.” That’s usually my response anyway, and it normally leads to a scowl or an even more simple-minded reply; “Are you being sarcastic?” which almost always leads me to be even more sarcastic. I would feel sorry for these people, but then I realize there’s enough people in the world to feel sorry for, people that actually do need our sympathy, not this middle-class brain-dead bunch. 

The point I’m trying to make however, is that sarcasm is the most amazing thing ever created. Without sarcasm there would be no cool, easy and low-key way to take the piss out of these people. I’d have to stand there and shout “YES I DO RETARD!” and that’s no where near as fun or insulting and usually results in some upset from the league of people that don’t understand comedy and make a fuss about everything. The same people that attacked Jennifer Aniston for using that very word ‘retard’ in a press interview for her movie ‘The Switch’ starring the very awesome Jason Bateman. These blood-sucking funny-munchers deemed it offensive to people with special needs. I tell you one thing, I would love to see these invisible protestors take a stroll through a British secondary school. And not one of the posh ones where everybody plays croquet, I mean a bottom of the pile, chav-anistic (more word making *claps*) landscape of pure drudgery. The sort of insults batted around nowadays is pretty much sickening, although that is slightly hypocritical of me to say such a thing. But back to the case at hand, sarcasm. Sarcasm may not be understood by some, which makes it all the more fun. There’s nothing better than taking the piss out of someone that doesn’t know you’re taking the piss out of them, then they can’t ruin it by accepting it. WIN. Except not really win since you are actually insulting another human being and making them feel bad. Pretty much lose to be honest. Still, we all need our comic relief every now and again, and as long as it’s good natured, everybody wins! 

Originality & School Dynamics

Originality is one of those things which is both easy and hard to conquer at the same time. Hard in the fact that so much has happened already it’s difficult to find something which somebody has never said before, or find something someone has never done before. But easy in the fact that you can just watch what everybody is doing and do the complete opposite. Easy peasy lemon death punch. See, right there, that’s originality. You were expecting that to read “Easy peasy lemon squeezy.” but it didn’t. Shock horror. If it’s that easy to do something original, why doesn’t everybody do it, instead of leeching off of others? Well that probably leads to some complex psychological explanation, and as of yet, I don’t actually do psychology. But I can tell you about the types of people I’ve come across so far in life:

• Queen Bee - Named after the popular buzzing insect, these people are desperate for attention, constantly trying to draw people in. (E.g. laughing at a non-existent note so they get the opportunity to tell an off-the-wall story after you ask what’s up.) They are normally the trend setters.
• Dim-witted Follower - These people follow anybody they can leech onto. They pretty much adapt constantly, changing music tastes, common phrases and some times, even their own personality to fit in. They usually just run with the trends. 
• Outsiders - These are the people that really don’t give a shit about anybody. Well to a certain degree (we all give a shit really we just like to think we don’t). Needless to say everybody wants to be one, but always despises the kid that actually is one. They are usually seen doing something strange just for the sake of it. They go flat-out against the trends. 
• Conglatu - This is basically a mixture of all 3 of the above (I know it sounds like an endangered species of bird, but it’s original) with hints of silence and waywardness, by which I mean they can sometimes have opinions and set things in motion, but usually only with those they are comfortable around. To outsiders (adults, random relatives etc.) they are usually quite shy and protective. 

So there we have it. Four different kinds of people. We all know at least one, and we all know what we would classify ourselves as, but for now, silence is usually the trend. Many people ignore the obvious and just move along in life thinking they’re the best thing since roast chicken and that everybody wants to know what they’re up to 72 hours a day, 14.4 days a week. Which is why God (well, Mark Zuckerberg) created Facebook.  I could add another type to the list above but so many people fit into that category that for now and forever, let’s just call them 'dicks'. There’s no doubt it’s an endless chain though, well more of a circle. There’s always someone that get’s the piss taken out of them by someone else, so they take the piss out of someone smaller than them and the chain/circle moves on. No matter how smart, how popular (let’s face it, that’s not even a word) or how cool you are/think you are, there will always be someone that doesn’t like you. Even if that person has no real reason for not liking you other than just going against the crowd, they still don’t like you. This is another reason why we can’t have world peace. Because there will always be at least one person who wants to disrupt the flow of harmony and go against everybody/thing else. And with almost 7 billion people on this planet, there’s probably quite a few.